


Black Water

by IgnisCanis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Redemption, THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE, i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-07-29 09:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7679179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnisCanis/pseuds/IgnisCanis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They get him back in the end but by that time he’s wounded, inside and out."</p><p> Kylo Ren makes a u-turn and makes it home. heavily inspired by "Have You Heard" by peradi, link in the chapter notes</p><p> </p><p>*psst* *i've revised some things*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> have you heard: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5798602/chapters/13364887

They get him back in the end but by that time he’s wounded, inside and out.

 

 

 

“I want to die.”

  
“I’m sure you do.”

  
“You should have left me.”

  
A pause and then a sigh. The scavenger eyes Ben Solo (or was it Kylo, the differences between the two are so subtle) through the fortified observation window. He traded an arm and a leg and possibly the sight in his left eye to turn back and now he’s confined to a sickbed until his wounds finish their festering. Despite the infection that poisons him, he manages to glare back with one good eye.

Rey looks away and silently curses Anakin Skywalker for what must have been the 100th time that week.

“if only.”

 

 

 

Leia is nothing if not fair. That being said, she would hear no talk of sending her only child to stand before the firing squad.

 

 

 

“Listen to me, listen to me, LISTEN TO ME! Blood of my blood, bone of my bone, listen closely. This path, this way is wrong, WRONG. What are you doing? Go back! Go back! Grandson of mine, if there is anything that you love TURN BACK while they still live! TURN BACK!”

But Kylo Ren’s saber is already pressed right through his father’s stomach and kidneys and spine and he cannot turn back now.

Anakin’s ghost screams.

 

 

 

"None shall tell me what i can or cannot forgive"

 

 

 

Kylo Ren eventually discovers that there are things that he wants and desires and needs, and then there are the things that he was told to want and these things are not the same. He never wanted to burn all those planets, he never wanted to kill Han Solo, and he never wanted to be Snoke’s dog. But it’s too late now, he can’t possibly turn back, can barely hope to make it even. But just barely is enough for Kylo Ren to burn.

So, the fire.

He stands before the fuel reservoir on Snoke’s flagship surrounded by the bodies of the troopers who’d tried to stop him. Somewhere alarms are blaring and on the other side of a barricaded door, a battering ram is finding it’s match. Kylo sweeps a gloved hand over the back of his neck and it comes back damp. It’s hot, even when the fuel is combusting at a controlled rate, it’s scalding. His heart is hammering in his chest and he is surprised to find himself afraid. Even more so to find that for the first time in a very, very, very long time, Snoke’s fury is but a whisper in his mind. “It will all be over soon,” he thinks “it will be finished.” It’s not very hard to use the force to create a flame in the palm of his hand while on the edge of his periphery, a ghost watches him.

The ghost is silent.

 

 

 

The general does not visit her son. Try as she might, she cannot find the will to step into the room where he lies. But she comes often to stand on the other side of the one-way observation window and watch him try desperately to pretend she’s not there.

Today, there is a ghost accompanying her.

“You did this,” says the general, her voice shaking with emotion “This is your fault, he would have been fine, happy if it weren’t for you.” The ghost does not acknowledge her but rather continues to stare at Ben’s turned back- “You monster, look what you did to my son-”

“He turned it around,” says the ghost.

Leia scoffs, “that won’t bring Han back.”

 

 

 

When they are sure that he will live, the doctors take measurements for the prosthesis and a series of surgeries are performed to install the internal components and to cap the charred stumps with a metallic “skin”. Rey is present at the fitting, meant to overpower and subdue Ben (not quite, but not Kylo either) if he attempts to bolt the moment he has all his limbs. His presence is still a wound in the force, a hollowed out shell that burns and bleeds but he looks up when the mechanics come in and manages not to flinch when they go to attach the prosthesis. He flexes both hands, flesh and metal and he experimentally extends the metal leg. His expression is unreadable until he stands-

The mechanics lurch back at the sudden movement and Rey is only just able to stop one of them from pressing the panic button in his jacket pocket. The other is already gone, having bolted for the door at the first sign of trouble and the last is ducked behind the tool cart, one hand reaching hesitantly for the blaster in her jacket. It takes Rey a moment to calm everyone down but when she looks up Ben is looking decidedly pleased with himself.

 

 

The ghost is silent. This is the end, not a redemption, not a turning back, but a dead end. The ghost watches when his grandson presses the flame to the fuel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's see where this goes. comments and criticism is appreciated! this is only me second fic :s


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you just going to let him burn” says one ghost to the other. “What else” comes the reply, “It would be kinder than to let him suffer.” Obi-Wan is silent for a moment, his gaze fixed on the scene before him: the grandson, ready to light a fire; the grandfather, ready to let him. Huffing in frustration, he turns back to his former pupil, “He can still turn back, he doesn’t have to burn!”

“What else could he do,” Anakin sighs, “He can’t go back, he can’t fix any of this.”

“But that’s what I’m saying! He can try!”

Anakin’s composure breaks and his reply is a snarl “he cannot!”

“He CAN! You can always turn back! There is always a choice! Even you had that choice and even you could have come home!” Obi-Wan’s voice breaks but when he calms himself his gaze is fierce.

“He can still go home.”

 

 

 

 

Leia hovers in the doorway of his cell. Behind her Rey and Finn stand watchful at the guard doors and before her is…her son.

It’s been decades since she last saw him face to face and her heart feels like it might give out at any moment. He stands rigidly, back pressing against a wall as if trying to pass through it. He shies away from her with every bone and steel rod in his body. Leia surveys him carefully, notes the scarring of his face, the telltale posture of someone still getting used to prosthesis, the way that one eye does not dilate with the other, and…how long he’s kept his hair, how he now towers above her, the slight freckling that still persists around the bridge of his nose.

“Get out,” he hisses, “I don’t want to see you.” It’s a jab, Leia knows. It’s just something to make her leave. But she won’t, not ever again. Still, she has to take a moment to still herself before she raises her voice. “Ben.” He flinches at the epithet. “I…I missed you.” “Stop.” He says. He’s rapidly losing control of the situation and he knows it. “Stop, you know…you of all people…” Ben breaks the sentence off before it can grow to long. For a moment, his half-gaze flicks behind her, to the guarded door. There’s the sound of Finn adjusting his blaster, Rey gripping her saber, and then his eyes meet hers.

It’s easy then for him to crumble.

“I’m sorry,” he growls out and then, as if the words had taken too much to stay, he begins to shake. “I’m sorry,” he snarls when Leia cannot speak for the lump in her throat. The next apology comes punctuated with a series of thuds as he desperately throws his head back against the metal wall behind him and it only then that the general realizes the tears sliding down her cheeks. She moves forward to press her hands on his shoulders and he flinches so violently that he almost hits her.

“I know,” she sobs and he brings his gaze up to meet hers. He breaks under her eye contact, letting out a strangled sob, “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“So fucking sorry.”

“I know.”

 

 

 

 

The conflagration rises up and the ghost makes a decision, Kylo Ren will live.

When he comes to, the world is painted in red fire and black smoke and he is in agony such that he can hardly think. “Over soon,” he thinks “it’ll be all over soon.” The ghost that paces beside him interrupts his mantra, “No it will not, it will NOT!” He drops into a crouch and hovers over him so that he is forced to meet an intense stare, “just live a little longer, a little while longer, you can still turn this around!” Kylo Ren peers up at the ghost that had been haunting him for what felt like ages and puts the effort in to drawing another breath just so that he can point out “you couldn’t.” The ghost flinches back, form flickering in the smoke and then solidifying with new resolve, “They’re on their way, just a little longer, just a few more breaths, COME ON!”

“Don’t think I can,” Kylo Ren is tired and he doesn’t feel like fighting any more.

“A little longer, just a little longer.”

Another pained breathe, drawn in through broken ribs and smoked lungs.

“You won’t…be alone. But you have to try. Just a little longer, we can turn this around!”

“Just a few more minutes.”

“Just a few more breaths.”

 

 

 

 

Time is running out and the soldiers are getting restless. Angry whispers pass from one to another, traded in secret like contraband. “He’s single-handedly killed hundreds,” hisses one, “slaughtered them like animals!” “it’s probably in the thousands if you count the deaths from starkiller.” growls another. “I know and infuriates me as much as you, but guys…he’s the general’s son,” a third protests. The first soldier laughs bitterly, “Maybe once but that’s not what I heard. Word is he’s absolutely batshit now, when they first brought him in, he was either talking to ghosts or completely unresponsive.” “Still is most of the time,” adds the second soldier, “My nurse friend’s never heard him speak one word, says he’s like an animal: he panics if you move too fast or come around behind him, he refuses to acknowledge his mother; and had to be restrained yesterday because he was throwing himself at the walls of his room hard enough to crack a rib.”

“Something must be done,” growls the first, “before he hurts someone other than himself.”

“Leia still wants him” says the third but the second speaks over him in agreement.

“Something must be done”

 

 

 

 

Rey is asleep when the flagship burns and she dreams of ghosts. Anakin’s form is hazier than usual, haloed in smoke and fire and he’s screaming at her.

He gives her coordinates, tells her it’s life or death, and with a frenzied _shove_ with the force he wakes her.

“Salvage” he’d said.

Her heart is beating too fast but she manages to be dressed with her shoes on by the time Luke stumbles into the doorway of her room and it only takes one look to know they had the same dream. Without another word, they board the falcon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i like short chapters? well, anyway i didn't like this one too much. The leia kylo reunion scene felt minimalist but oh well. Constructive criticism is loved!
> 
> also, thanks for the comments y'all!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some gore in this chapter.

By the time they arrive at the given coordinates the rest of Snoke’s fleet is gone, the last straggling cargo ships making the jump to hyperspace just as the fire comes into view.

The massive flagship is listing through space, turned on its side like a wounded animal. Through the gashes torn its flank Rey can see the conflagration burning out the interior. The flames glow hot and angry and so loud that she can hear them from the falcon. They’re most furious in the blackened lungs of the ship, where they greedily lap at the remains of the engines and fuel reservoirs, sheltered there from the oxygen depleted environment of deep space. It is there that the ghost is directing her to, reaching out from the ruins and pulling her consciousness towards him.

“Salvage” the ghost had said. And now “salvage, salvage, save, hurry, HE’S DYING, salvage, BRING HIM HOME” he chants, a desperate litany with an undercurrent of threat.

“We’ll have to take a pod to get down there” says Luke and he brings the falcon down closer to the fire.

 

 

 

 

The “assassination” was a bust from the start, executed by a pair of young, brash, and angry foot soldiers with little cause and even less ambition. They had barely opened the second set of doors before the surveillance guards called in backup and had them apprehended. But the doors were still open, jammed apart by a crowbar pressed into the motors and disabling the wheels which would close them.

Which was why Rey was hovering over Ben in her sleep clothes, the only other force user on base watching the would-be killers be dragged away at 1 o’clock in the morning. Filling the rest of Ben’s cell were more guards, their fingers resting lazily on the triggers of guns and in varying states of exhaustion and fear. “what, do they really think he’s gonna kill them?” Rey thought.

Ben was sitting upright on the bed looking weary and annoyed, one hand absentmindedly crossing over his chest to rub at the point where prosthesis met flesh. She watches him out of the corner of her eye and then “stop that.”

He blinks and meets her gaze petulantly, “why?”

“You're gonna rip out a pin, they’re not fully ingrown yet.”

“She’s right,” says the ghost standing in the corner of the room. So far as Rey can tell, Annakin just likes to be included and his continued haunting of the resistance base is just a means of that. He rarely says anything of importance.

Ben huffs and continues to rub, “it’s sore,” he says simply.

“Tough,” comes Rey’s reply. But she does smack his hand away from the joint, prompting the guards to raise their blasters in panic at the sudden movement and an eye roll from Ben at their paranoia.

 

 

 

 

He is not alive, of that Rey is sure, and yet Annakin’s ghost is screaming at her to “DO SOMETHING!” Through the smoked up glass of her hood, Rey can see the way his blood reflects the fire light. His right arm is almost completely gone, hanging by a few tattered ligaments at the elbow; the leg on the left side is similarly damaged, obliterated from the knee down. Blood pools around his shoulders and head in a way that can only suggest fatality but yet the ghost is still screaming.

“Save him! He can still be salvaged! He can still go home, still live, SAVE HIM! THERE’S STILL A CHANCE!” The ghost is suddenly not beside Kylo Ren but face to face with Luke, he’s not screaming anymore, but instead says something very quiet in a low tone. Rey doesn’t hear him over the roar of the fires around them, but instead listens to a new ghost. He’s just a voice in her ear, older than Anakin and somehow sadder but when he says “his father wants him to live,” Rey moves forward.

Rey hates him, hates every part of him, everything he’s done and everything he ever was and will be. Rey hates what he’s done to the galaxy, to her, to Han Solo, and to Leia. She hates him. But his father wants him to live and Anakin’s screaming again that “There is always a chance! PLEASE!” so she hauls his body up and drags him back to the pod.

 

 

 

 

“Go. Away.”

“I don’t think so, grandson of mine.”

Ben flinches without meaning to. This ghost is not his grandfather but challenging the point would only aggravate it so he remains silent. The ghost too, is mostly silent. Content to lean against the wall with his eyes closed and head falling back to rest on the cool steel, as if in meditation. It’s a stark contrast from the screaming madness of the bridge or the fire. Yea, these days the ghost is just a sentry overlooking his “grandson’s” recovery.

Ben cannot tell if Rey sees him too.

 

 

 

 

Rey stands in a medbay cooridor covered in Kylo Ren’s blood. A hand falls on her shoulder and she flinches until she realizes it’s Luke, similarly cloaked in red.

“He’ll be fine.”

“I don’t care,” she hisses. She hates him.

The ghost does not follow the gurney down the hall but stays standing next to them, muttering something under his breath. If Rey didn’t hate him too, she might tell the ghost to sit down, have glass of water or something, do whatever it is ghosts do after screaming themselves hoarse in an effort to save their shitty Grandsons. Instead she turns on him.

“Force, you’re insane, aren’t you.”

The ghost looks up abruptly, it’s form wavering and then solidifying again as someone much younger. His eyes aren’t stained yellow anymore and he’s lost some of the hellfire around his edges. When he speaks, his voice is much steadier than it had been, his tone less violent.

“Thank you,” he says and disappears without another sound.

Rey stands in a medbay corridor and loathes Anakin Skywalker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for reading. Comments are appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, there's more. This is only my second fic so reviews are appreciated. ;)


End file.
